Wednesday, March 18, 2009

AM Short Film: Rough Layout


So here it is finally. Let me know what you think. Don't hold back! What's working? What's not working? Is it just plain dumb? or just slightly? Please keep in mind this is meant to be representative of the staging and shot composition. I threw some poses in on the characters so that anyone viewing this would understand what's going on. I will be spending a lot of time animating the characters next term. Does it even make sense?

3 comments:

Andrea said...

I think it is looking good babe. I am getting excited now that it is starting to take shape and I can start seeing where you are going with it. Keep up the hard work!!

Jakris said...

Hey man I think this is really looking great! Good job! It looks very well thought out. The staging is nice and dramatic at times. I'm glad to see you've cut it down from your original pitch. Same idea though, so it works. I think there is a lot of opportunity here to show some good emotions, so I can't wait to see this progress.

I know your original pitch from before so I'll try to view this post as if I've never saw your pitch.

First off, I think your reveal down to the two characters sitting on the bench is pretty good idea. Compositionally, it might be a little too dead down the center in the first frame. Play with the horizon line maybe? I don't know, something about it is bugging me now that I watch it over and over again. Its that down the hallway look maybe. Maybe its the similar sizes of the models of the buildings in there thats causing the flatness. But I know its going to change as you sweeten things up. So maybe forget about what I just said. Ha! I'd see what camera shakes you can add as the robot heads forward and see what that looks like.

Next cut, I think the on/off switching of the glasses/reality is a good idea too, I'm just not sure you want to stage and reveal them sitting that way. I'd try cutting to an extreme closeup on the kid with the glasses, maybe seeing the Robot in the reflection. At the same time, showing the kid's fear in his eyes. Then the dad takes the glasses off, turning off the scenery and revealing him. This way, we're still stuck in the robot world and the taking off the glasses motivates the scenery change more.
The two shot of them showing the boy's okay is good.
When the dad puts the glasses back on, I think we can hold on the kids face a beat longer, and then when we cut back to the robot be much more of an up angle at it, and maybe the robot's pose can be more menacing too.
The running away and pull out shot shot is great and I really like the transition from the laser beam to the flashlight.
The staging of the usher and boy is kind of weird though. I'm perceiving the light transition as it landing on the boy, flashing in his eyes. But in the cut the flashlight is still moving towards him, and then lands. I would have it land on a closeup on his face, and then cut to a reaction of the usher holding the flashlight maybe? The continuity of the direction he's running away from the usher assumes he's running back towards the dad. I'd see what it looks like bringing the camera around and then showing the isle of the theater or something, showing he's on his way out.
The next cut of him exiting is too flat as well. I'd imagine combining his exit route right after his encounter with the usher and staging his exit frame with the next cut opposite angle of him outside and panting.
The way the dad reveals himself through the door is the way someone would reveal himself after knocking first. I'd maybe have him exit rather quickly, scan the room around really quick, then land on finding the kid.
Also, the kid still has his glasses on at the time he exits. Should the scenery always be in the robot world every time we see the boy with them on? Something to think about.
Then the dad takes them off again, and all is well.


I hope this helps man, I'll support you through it the whole way!

Shelley said...

Good job!!