These are my pitches for a short I will produce over my last two terms in Animation Mentor. The film must be around 30 seconds so time is tight. I'm currently leaning toward Pitch #1.
Pitch #1: So I like the idea that you're putting a lot of yourself into this pitch. I think you have the potential to interpret a lot of that excitement and emotion into the animation of the kid watching the movie [and its a Robot movie, nice touch :-) ] What I'm reading from this pitch though, and it may just be the way you pitched it, is a 3-5 minute short, not a 30 second. If you're really set on going with this, I would time out the emotions you need to read from the kid to the father and back to the kid again and see what you can cut out without sacrificing a lot of the story telling. I think its going to be hard to do in the amount of time you have. I would cut this down at least in half. Cut out the kid running out of the theater. Maybe keep it localized in their seats, where the father takes the glasses off his son, and then the son realizes that its just the movie, then gets really excited of how into the film he was. Thats it. It does take some of the anticipation of what the kid is feeling, but again, in the time you're given I think its necessary that you cut it down.
Pitch #2: I think this one is doable in 30 seconds and I think the idea is great. I feel like something similar has been done before, but I can't put my finger on it. But thats not the point. Anyway, from your pitch I don't really know why the girl stops and stares at him. Its not motivated by anything. Also, side note that doesn't mean anything, what the hell is a little blind girl doing walking around the streets on her own?! I think you might be able to get away with her sitting alone on a bench and the Mime coming up to her instead. This way it might make a little more sense, maybe she's waiting for someone, and the Mime is trying to get any sort of attention. You can keep the camera close on her, so you don't see her walking stick that she's put on the side until you're ready to reveal her blindness. Her motivation for getting up off the bench might be a distant honk of a car horn or something, like her ride just arrived. The rest of it is fine I think, saving her life and all. Mimes have a lot of animation potential too, so it would be a good animation exercise overall.
Thanks for the feedback! It is much appreciated. I discussed it more with my mentor and I think I am going to go with pitch #1. I've already re-pitched for my mentor and I will post the video for you all soon.
Thanks again, it means a lot to me that you took the time to leave feedback!!
3 comments:
my 2 cents:
Pitch #1:
So I like the idea that you're putting a lot of yourself into this pitch. I think you have the potential to interpret a lot of that excitement and emotion into the animation of the kid watching the movie [and its a Robot movie, nice touch :-) ] What I'm reading from this pitch though, and it may just be the way you pitched it, is a 3-5 minute short, not a 30 second. If you're really set on going with this, I would time out the emotions you need to read from the kid to the father and back to the kid again and see what you can cut out without sacrificing a lot of the story telling. I think its going to be hard to do in the amount of time you have. I would cut this down at least in half. Cut out the kid running out of the theater. Maybe keep it localized in their seats, where the father takes the glasses off his son, and then the son realizes that its just the movie, then gets really excited of how into the film he was. Thats it. It does take some of the anticipation of what the kid is feeling, but again, in the time you're given I think its necessary that you cut it down.
Pitch #2:
I think this one is doable in 30 seconds and I think the idea is great. I feel like something similar has been done before, but I can't put my finger on it. But thats not the point. Anyway, from your pitch I don't really know why the girl stops and stares at him. Its not motivated by anything. Also, side note that doesn't mean anything, what the hell is a little blind girl doing walking around the streets on her own?! I think you might be able to get away with her sitting alone on a bench and the Mime coming up to her instead. This way it might make a little more sense, maybe she's waiting for someone, and the Mime is trying to get any sort of attention. You can keep the camera close on her, so you don't see her walking stick that she's put on the side until you're ready to reveal her blindness. Her motivation for getting up off the bench might be a distant honk of a car horn or something, like her ride just arrived. The rest of it is fine I think, saving her life and all. Mimes have a lot of animation potential too, so it would be a good animation exercise overall.
Anyway, good luck and let me know what you think!
~Jakris
both are good...but I think I like pitch #1 the most :)
Thanks for the feedback! It is much appreciated. I discussed it more with my mentor and I think I am going to go with pitch #1. I've already re-pitched for my mentor and I will post the video for you all soon.
Thanks again, it means a lot to me that you took the time to leave feedback!!
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